It has been a while since I have written anything. It must been that I was busy. Certainly a lot has changed. I have already moved in with a friend and were running kinda "Will and Grace" show for more than a year now.
This is something special not to write about. RS came to NC for business. And comes with that is the pleasure, certainly on my part as I have played host. A lousy host perhaps. Not much to offer in NC during these times. He came on a Sunday, yesterday afternoon. I got to pick him up at the airport. Asked the information area on the recommended restaurant for tourists who would want to sample a great southern style food. We went to The Pit at downtown Raleigh. The restaurant had a good ambiance but the food hardly shined. Nevertheless, it was ok to be sitting across RS finally just the two of us. Having some laughs, doing some talking about our former classmates and what have you's. But the best part was just really being there with him.
This was someone who could have made my high school miserable. Having found my diary from my locked bag (though, come to think if it, was easy to open), he was supposed to have been my bully. This conversation has to come up during his visit. For a while I was really trying to keep composure as he asked me if I was mad at him. As I have said "no", I was trying to see if it was just an asnwer of being polite since everything was ok now, or it was some answer to keep away from the topic again. I just think I really did not care about it anymore as I have not really cared about it then. I am too comfortable with who I was, and did not want to be accepted by anyone. I think what I wanted to say was that I did not need a validation that who I am is different. I was a teenage gay guy who has started to have feelings towards some boys. That's all. He asked me if I was embarrassed. I said no. Perhaps if I were to relive it agan I would have said yes, but it has been too long that I don't really mind. Bottom line is that I care about what he feels now about me.
At one point he said he feels I am someone he thinks he can trust. I was happy about that. I am glad he sses me that way now. He has certainly matured and still, I think I was graceful enough through all of it.
RS will always be a person in my life that has made an impact. What he did was not something I will forget. It was not a good experience but I do not feel an inch bad about it. I guess in time, what matters is the posibility of what the future holds. I would never think in a million years during that time that I will have an encounter with RS, to be this close to him. I am thankful that I have stayed and waited for this time to come. It came as a surprise, a sweet surprise indeed.
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