Friendshifts

When I came here in US, I bonded with a group of guys whom I have shared house with during the training period before we were off to our different offices.  We had different, extremely different personalities, but have managed to glue quickly.  The five of us have shared a lot of our firsts in this country.  It was an effort on my part to blend with them while trying to gauge their reaction to my lifestyle.

Among them all, I got along better with AD.  I may sound conceited, but I think I had the most influence as to his style in clothing, choice in food, and lifestyle.  I have seen him grow from his rural roots.  LOL.  Nevertheless, he is someone I enjoy being with. 

Rivalry among a group of men may not be very familiar to me.  Somehow this commaraderie have slipped into closely non-existent.  AD and BD had a misunderstanding that brought about deterioration to this group.  I, myself, am guilty of this break up when my college friends came and I have spent most of my time with them.  By this time, AD had found his girl.  Just a good timing.  I shared an apartment with AM, until he resigned from our company and moved to Virginia to be with his wife.

I still have managed to open my time, at least of what remains of it, for an old get together.  This never happened.  Sometimes I would still find myself spending weekends with AD.  An act that others who have just known us speculate that we were an item.  Jealousy may be, this has made me drift away from BD and RS (different from my RS in HS) as I have spent lesser time with them.  Eventually, DB and RS have shared an apartment and found a new group of friends.

I miss the group.  It may never be the same again.  AD has married his girl.  I keep in touch with him as much as I can.  DB works in the same office with me, though we seldom talk now.  RS will be joining our office in a few weeks.  He still is the same quiet boy, though disappointingly, turned to be colder with his affect.

One thing I have learned from this is how being passive with friendship has taken us apart.  I, too, have changed.  But I still miss them all.

Sugar Bear

It was late... very late in the evening and still RS called just to report that our HS principal has arrived in NJ.  I would have wanted to come and meet up with them, but I already have set plans for the long weekend.  I will be watching Adam Lambert's concert at the House of Blues in Myrtle Beach, SC.  The concert will be on Saturday, then by Sunday at 2 am, I should be ready to drive about 5.5 hours to attend a morning Christening of my friend's daughter in VA.  Hectic schedule?  You bet. 

Late night talks with RS have always been a rollercoaster, specially tonight.  I have seen a soft spot in him I haven't seen before.  He is one who regard friends dearly.  In return, he is vunerable to his feelings, that he is easily hurt by them.  The price for being a softee. 

I am more used to RS being silly.  I do not even have to put out the story about my diary that he stole and read, and have others read.  A part of my growing up years that I had to weather in an all boys school.  In reality, I do not even have an ill-feeling about that today.  I cannot recall an ill-feeling about it before too.  There should have been, but it must be buried deep down in me.  Or simply put as forgiven and forgotten.

I love RS, and everyone who has significantly touched my life.  They are the little blocks who molded me to who I am today.  A wrecked bitch.  LOL.

LSS.  Elton John's "Someone Saved My Life Tonight". 

Miss

Darkness slowly creeps.
Rain seeps into the cracks
of the roof
of the old shack.
In the corner,
sitting
on the filthy wet floor
I wait for you.
I miss you.

Warmth

Staring blankly
at the flickering light
from the last piece of coal.
I wanted to get closer
before death stabs me
with a kiss
of the cold, cold night.
My body is numb,
I could not move.
Eyes start to get blurry;
tears crystallize
as they fall
along the icy cheeks
of the snow queen.

November

There he stood
in the middle
of the busy street
for a thousand years.
People passing by,
ignoring his reality.
He screams from pain,
yet no one notices.
Death is nothing
compared
to being forgotten.
But
something stronger
has made him stay…

Masks

 

And there he ran,
troubled by his worried mind…
looking around
he saw a crowd of strangers
in masks.
He was alone.
He doubted.
If only he closed his eyes,
he would have felt
the beating
of his trusting heart.
In math,
four is twice two.
But the heart knows
that two
is not twice one…
it is the state
of having a company.

Angel

The air breathes
the faint stench
of an old death.
The only sign of life
are the night crawlers
feeding on the still corpse.
Against the black velvet night
shines my knight’s silver wings.
My angel has fallen…
the battle was lost.
As I leave,
I blew a kiss
from my trembling hands
covered with bloody tears.
I bid my knight
goodbye.